Oh…cool…yeah, no I’m just gonna get an appetizer I’m not super hungry. Oh shit, is that my phone? No, most people can’t hear it I just got a really high pitched ringtone that only I can hear…Oh no! My friend’s in trouble, I actually have to goooo…but maybe we can have some hot schizophrenic sex later this week?
so long story short, mom and dad have had a bird family living in one of their hanging baskets outdoors for the past two months. the birds are in the process of raising their chicks in a nest and at this point they are days away from being able to fly from the nest. So Anyway, this morning my mom is all up in the birds’ business and manages to scare the living hell out of them, enough to where the baby birds actually straight up fall onto the lawn. fast forward to an extremely pissed mom and dad bird trying to attack my mother while 3 completely helpless chicks stumble around our front lawn. mom is in her robe with the pool net out in our front lawn desperately trying to pick up the babies to put then back in the nest while i’m sitting there just shaking my head. it’s kind of funny, but then again it isn’t.
not getting the concept that facebook is for reconnecting with people vs. stalking them
yeah, so just because we hung out, like, Twice and you wanted to bone but i wasn’t having Any of that doesn’t mean you get to send me “what’s up omg it’s been sooo long!” messages. especially ones that are for the sole purpose of letting me know you are now engaged and living in dallas. that’s, uh, cool i guess?
and i’m not getting people’s desperation to get on the plane first. it’s like, yeah no one wants to sit middle seat bitch, but on the other hand it’s All about making sure all the kids and “Big” peeps are on first so you can avoid as necessary and make the best of the what will certainly be airborn hell.
when we last met i was buying $5 bottles of asti at walmart. at present, im gross feeling, hungover, have a huge mysterious bruise on my hand, and the mcdonalds breakfast i just consumed didn’t taste nearly as awesome as it should have.
“When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I’m banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I’m shredding Reign In Blood on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I’m racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who’ll kill me if I don’t cross the finish line first.”—Short, Imagined Monologues: I’m Comic Sans, Asshole. (via synecdoche)